Pinch Runners by Havelock Hewes

  Our rule for pinch runners is that a player may have a pinch-runner from home or after he reaches a base safely if he has an injury which prevents him from running or makes it dangerous for him to run.  A player may not request a runner in order to get a strategic advantage for his team.
  This season we have had a precipitous rise in the number of pinch runners requested.  Does this represent a reflection of our aging and ailing community?  Yes and no.  Marvin Cohen was told by his doctor that it would be dangerous for him to run the bases and Gil Schmerler's MD has advised that he have his knee replaced.  So, I think we can accept their requests as necessary.  Some others I'm not so sure about.  One player, who I will not name, reached first but did not request a runner until several members of his team suggested "don't you need a runner" and he asked for one.  You might think one solution to this would be to allow the opposing manager to pick among the available players a pinch runner.  However, we now have so many players who "require" pinch runners that only the relatively good runners are left.
   I have thought of two solutions.  1) We could require the pinch runner to wear ankle weights in order to slow him down enough so that he would not be an improvement on the original runner, 2) We could shame the player by referring to him with a colorful nickname, such as "Gimpy,""Peg" or  "Poke."